From Timid Beginnings to Confident Strides

Overcoming my self-doubts

“I'm sitting in front of my laptop, attempting to handle a cloud violation on my own, claiming deep down that I'll make it through despite my inexperience with this technology when suddenly I realize how much I've changed as a person.”

I am not very good at recognizing my weaknesses, but I felt like sharing a few lessons I learned after starting my career in the IT industry.

So, growing up I was a shy and sheltered kid, who felt compelled to seek validation or acceptance while performing my tasks or before making decisions. I was always scared that I might mess things up and had this constant urge to double-check things before proceeding.

For instance, even if I knew an answer I wouldn't raise my hand to share it with the class. The thought of wearing something different used to make me feel nervous and apprehensive since I was to come out as different from my typical self. I used to wonder what if I wasn't supposed to behave like that. I always assumed I was expected to be a certain way and changing that would make me feel judged. I'm not sure what made me restrict myself this much, but I realized I was afraid of change and owning myself. We all might feel that at some point in our lives, but we should act upon it before it grows on us and restricts our freedom and growth. People often excuse such behaviors by calling them introverts, but I would argue that they might lack confidence and self-doubt.

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” - Suzy Kassem

In college, I started learning a lot of various technologies and frameworks to lay the groundwork for an effective career. With placements around the corner, I was becoming increasingly concerned with defining myself. However, during interviews, I noticed I was frequently feeling underconfident or doubtful when the interviewer tried to sway me. Also, if not I felt under pressure, what if I mess up? After getting rejected in a few interviews I realized my mistakes and tried rectifying those errors, eventually managing to get a decent job.

However, the story doesn't end here. I started working in corporate in the year 2022, and I was expected to perform certain tasks in a set time frame. We had sprint planning, deadlines, and business calls and even though I had graduated with flying colors during my engineering course I was still apprehensive about my future and was again facing difficulty to voice my challenges and opinions. I was given a couple of documents and websites to go through that would assist me in completing my activities, yet I was feeling the impulse to seek affirmation for my work again, and I was doubting what if I screw up. Yes, I had these concerns even though I was originally working on test environments rather than live projects. Nonetheless, I always felt that everyone around me knew everything, and I somehow landed this position.

After a few months of working for my firm, I realized that I was willingly taking up new tasks, requesting my leads and managers to assign me something new, and I found myself not wanting to sit idle. I realized I was no longer afraid to work on new technologies, even though I knew nothing about them. I believed that I'd find the resources online, that some networking with others might help, that these tasks are doable, and that even if I made a mistake, it would be fine, I could revert those changes.

If you haven't yet reached that place, I nevertheless recommend that you make an effort, even if it's difficult. It's absolutely acceptable.

To summarize what I've learned till now during this time of my life.

• Be afraid to walk into that room but walk in anyway.

• Be afraid when taking that task, yet willingly ask for it anyway.

• Be afraid of rejection but put yourself out there anyway.

• Be afraid of facing challenges but tackle them head-on.

• Be afraid of criticism but accept constructive feedback bravely.

• Be afraid of voicing your opinion, but voice it anyway.

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One triumph can negate 100 failures, so go for it.

Do you ever find yourself facing these challenges? If yes, then how do you overcome it, do let me know in the comments below!